


Lithophyte

by listenforthelove



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Gen, I could try to defend myself about the roommate thing or why the heck suga is even there, M/M, and the title is awful but trust me any other alternative was way more awful, but. like. oikawa changes into a plant, clearly I wasn't very big on how likely it is for this scenario to actually occur post-canon, just take this shitty pun of plants growing on rocks and leaf me alone, oikawa changes into a plant that's it that's the plot, rating is there for language I guess, same college/roommate AU because shut up, suga is there because shut up more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:32:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/listenforthelove/pseuds/listenforthelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Great, now I'm yelling at a bunch of leaves."</p><p>Hajime knows he's screwed when 'Oikawa has somehow changed into a plant overnight' is the <i>least</i> concerning explanation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lithophyte

**Author's Note:**

> This only happened because I've not stopped laughing ever since I saw that Haikyuu calendar featuring [Oikawa as a freaking plant with a crown](http://listenforthelove.tumblr.com/post/126431973886/rheomochi-so-i-saw-the-haikyuu-scoreboard). All the teams get cool animals and motifs and then Seijou gets a bunch of leaves, amazing.  
> This was supposed to be a quick one shot crack fic, so naturally this spun completely out of control and turned into whatever the hell this is. Well. Brevity is the soul of wit, as they say. 
> 
> Dedicated to my dear friend River as a thank you for dragging me into volleyball hell and because I promised her since I know how much she just _adores_ Oikawa. Hugs and kisses xoxo

Hajime is prepared to face the living room in whatever utter chaos has accumulated over there since he went to sleep last night in relative peace. He is not, however, prepared to walk in on _this_.

The chaos itself is incredibly mild; one chair has been tossed over and the pillows are all over the floor, no longer on the couch, but that’s about it. Instead, there’s a pile of Oikawa’s clothes (the ones Hajime distinctly recalls as the ones he’d been wearing last night) scattered on the couch, with in the middle a… flower pot?

Oikawa himself is nowhere in sight.

Hajime blinks several times,  looks at the clock and decides that seven AM on his free Sunday is way too early to deal with whatever Oikawa is up to now. He turns around abruptly and walks back to his bedroom.

 

Two hours later, Hajime is officially too awake to go back to bed, and there is still no Oikawa in sight. He hasn’t come by either, considering his clothes are still on the couch with the flower pot. A phone call later confirms that his phone is somewhere in that pile of clothes too.

What the hell.

Though it’s not uncommon for Oikawa to get caught up in training late or parties, it _is_ rare for him to leave his phone. Or the clothes he is wearing, for that matter. Neither of those has happened before to the best of Hajime’s knowledge, though then again, occasionally Oikawa comes home so late at night that Hajime is already fast asleep and never hears him come in in the first place.

That must have happened last night while Hajime was asleep. The question now is why Oikawa hadn’t woken him up at any point, and apparently got home first only to head out without wallet, phone or even clothes. Even Oikawa isn’t _that_ eccentric, or Hajime has to schedule in a serious talk with him to literally punch some sense into him. Once he tracks him down, that is.

 

Clearly calling Oikawa on his own phone isn’t going to accomplish anything, so Hajime settles on waiting until a perfectly decent 11 AM to start calling their friends. He’s putting off calling any parents or family as a last resort, though he has to admit that after a dozen phone calls to old and new team members and the occasional classmate, he is getting desperate enough for it.

Predictably, every single phone call starts with ‘isn’t he with you?’, if not preceded by a ‘what the hell, man, it’s Sunday’ that is. It’s probably not the best idea to explain to anyone what is really going on yet, to avoid panic, and so Hajime resorts to flimsy excuses like ‘oh, he just walked in’.

Oikawa never does. Walk in, that is. Fifteen phone calls later, Hajime falls down on the couch, right next to the plant in the clothes pile. From the corner of his eye, he spots a shimmer coming from the pot, and Hajime leans in a little to see what is causing that.

The pot isn’t as simple as it had seemed at first glance; it is actually elaborately decorated with…

Hajime groans and eyes the plant, which seems close to withering away. Not entirely surprising since ‘watering the plant Oikawa left for whatever reason in a pile of his clothes’ hasn’t exactly been high on his list of priorities this morning.

What _is_ surprising is the way the plant suddenly perks up under Hajime’s glare, leaves rustling and getting back their green glow. It’s a pretty small plant of undetermined species – not like Hajime has such a vast botanical knowledge, but still. It’s mostly just a bunch of green leaves sprouting from the ground in the pot. The pot that is decorated with _golden volleyballs_ and _crowns_. Where did Oikawa even find that? And the one million dollar question, why _is_ there even a plant here and not a trace of Oikawa himself?

Also, why does this plant look so inexplicably _smug_ at Hajime’s scowl at the pot?

 _Plants don’t look smug_ , the more rational part of Hajime’s brain reasons. _Plants don’t look anything, they just look like plants._

Right on that moment, something brushes against Hajime’s hand.

For the first time this morning  he’s secretly grateful for being alone in the apartment, since the way he shrieks is not something he’d like anyone to hear, least of all Oikawa.

It’s the plant, as it turns out. Or more precisely, the plant that has somehow managed to bend out of its pot enough to reach Hajime, which is almost just as weird as the strangely familiar way it now seems to shrink away from Hajime’s glowering, leaves raised as shields and all.

“What. The hell.”

 

Hajime very quickly decides after that incident that he has no time to deal with plants being weird, and instead tries to focus on his homework for the next day as he’d originally planned.

It’s hard to focus while part of his mind is constantly pre-occupied with Oikawa being missing. He really has no idea at this point where he could be, what could have happened. Well, that’s a lie; of course he has some ideas, but most aren’t ones he’d like to entertain for very long. He keeps thinking, hoping that Oikawa will walk through the door any minute now, probably with volleyball in hand and rambling a mile a minute about some extra practice he forgot to tell Hajime about. That has to be it, right? Surely he left his clothes here because he changed into his practice uniform?

The thought actually does seem rather comforting, until of course there is no obnoxious shout of ‘Iwa-chan!’ to distract Hajime from his homework that entire afternoon. He gives up after finding he’s been staring at the same page for fifteen minutes and hasn’t absorbed a single word from it.

He’s already flopped down on the couch by the time he casts another look at the plant next to him. Its leaves have shriveled up, grown brown on the tips already.

“Shit.” Apparently Oikawa’s little green surprise present needs about as much attention as its giver, because Hajime would _swear_ it looked fine just a couple of hours ago. How did it manage to wilt that fast?

 As he’s still operating on the notion that Oikawa left the plant behind for whatever reason, Hajime assumes the least he can do is to keep it alive until he’s back. Hopefully sooner than later, he thinks to himself as he empties a cup of water into the pot. The plant absorbs the water almost immediately and visibly recovers, but its leaves stay droopy like it’s sad.

 _Plants can’t look sad_ , Hajime firmly tells himself as he turns on the tv. Coincidence has it that there’s a volleyball match going on two channels in, and he quickly gets absorbed into the game.

 

The match lasts for three intense sets, which is enough to take Hajime’s mind off his own concerns for a good while.

When the final ball smashes onto the court, Hajime instinctively looks next to him, having forgotten for a moment that Oikawa isn’t here watching with him as usual. His only company is the plant, which has made a miraculous recovery ever since Hajime has given it water and actually seems to have grown a little, though that might just be his imagination.

Hajime sighs, swallowing his comments on the match. He doesn’t really feel like getting back to his homework now, but the clock is telling him it’s time for dinner anyway.

As he gets up to make it to the kitchen, he trips in the half-dark over a stray volleyball, only just managing to catch himself to smashing head-first into the table.

“Shit,” he whispers under his breath, heart thumping in his throat. That would have been one nasty fall, just what he needs to top off this crap day.

Something ruffles his hair then, so softly he only notices because he’s so focused on making sure his head hasn’t hit anything after all. Very carefully, Hajime leans up from the floor, staring at the plant that still sits on the couch. It’s leaning out of its pot, leaves stretching out and obviously being the thing in his hair seconds ago.

“I’m fine,” he groans, speaking more to himself than anything – and at that, the plant reels back in and starts quivering. Shaking pretty violently, actually. Like… like it’s laughing out loud like a certain someone would, after making sure Hajime is alright.

“Are you freaking kidding me.”

Maybe Hajime has hit his head after all.

 

Oikawa doesn’t show up the entire day, though Hajime has a sneaking suspicion he knows why now. He absolutely and vehemently refuses to acknowledge _that_ possibility as a possibly truth however, and instead opts to just go to bed early. Maybe he can just sleep it off, maybe Oikawa will show up the next morning just in time for class and pretends nothing has been off that weekend at all.

Yeah. Probably. Plants be damned.

He doesn’t fall asleep thinking about Oikawa and plants and his theory at all. Nope.

 

*

 

Sugawara laces his fingers around the cup of coffee Hajime belatedly remembered to offer him as he explains his issue, eyebrows rising higher and higher as Hajime finishes his story. He had to talk about this to someone, and Sugawara had seemed like the safest option at the time.

“Okay, so this is what you’re telling me.” Sugawara blows his coffee a little, takes a sip and then continues. “Oikawa has gone missing – except he hasn’t really, because you believe he has been changed into a plant.”

“Yep.”

Sugawara gives him a long, pointed stare. “And that is your most logical conclusion.”

Hajime groans and bangs his elbows on the table, head resting in his hands. “I _know,_ okay.”

“Okay, just checking here.” Sugawara smiles and sips on his coffee again. “You have to admit that ‘changed into a plant’ is not the first conclusion that comes to people’s minds in cases like these.” He tactfully refrains from other suggestions, not like those haven’t crossed Hajime’s mind yet.

Still, between ‘someone broke in without leaving traces, kidnapped Oikawa naked without taking any valuables, and left a potted plant in his lieu’, ‘Oikawa just got up and left without any warning to anyone at all while leaving all of his personal belongings behind’ and ‘Oikawa somehow changed into a potted plant overnight’ – well. One of those is less wordy  and arguably less worrisome than the other two, at least.

Hajime leans over the table to shove the plant pot to the center, so Sugawara can see it for himself. “Here. This was sitting in the middle of his clothes on Sunday morning, his phone next to it.” As if on cue, the plant slightly bristles its leaves, despite a total lack of breeze going through the apartment.

“Huh.” Sugawara leans in a little, squints at the pot. “Is that – tiny volleyballs? In golden lining?”

“Volleyballs and crowns, yeah.”

The plant bristles again, as if it’s actually proud of that. Well, as proud as a plant can be, anyway. Trust Oikawa to find a way.

“Well, that’s certainly a one-of-a-kind plant, I’ll give you that.” With a soft _tick_ , Sugawara places his cup on the table and looks at Hajime. “Next question, why did you call me of all people?”

“Given your track record, I figured you have experience with this – taking care of things business.” Hajime awkwardly waves at the plant in front of him, and he’d _swear_ it’s glowering at him.

Sugawara lightly laughs. “Really, hm. But if you say this is Plant Oikawa, then wouldn’t you be the one who knows how to handle him best?”

Hajime already deeply regrets asking Sugawara for help, despite him being arguably the best option. Next on the list had been Hanamaki and Matsukawa, and Hajime honestly doesn’t want to begin to imagine what their comments would be to his theory. “You know what, never mind. Forget I said anything.”

“Hm.” Sugawara shoves his chair back from the table. “I should leave soon, I have an afternoon class. But really, taking care of a plant shouldn’t be that hard. Just give it water and sunlight and talk to it.”

“Talk to it?” Hajime is about eighty percent sure Sugawara is just messing with him now, but no, the smile he’s giving him is genuine.

“Yep. It’s a well-known fact, you know. Plants like it when you talk to them – they thrive on attention.”

Now he _has_ to be messing with Hajime, if the little smirk he gives is any indication. “Don’t be late for class, Sugawara.”

“Gotcha. Good luck with Plantkawa, Iwaizumi.”

Hajime bangs his forehead against the table hard enough to bounce up the plant pot.

 

As it turns out, people are frighteningly quick to believe Hajime when he makes some vague comments about Oikawa having overworked himself and needing absolute rest. He tries not to think about that too much, as it would imply it’s apparently such a likely scenario.

He doesn’t really know what else to tell people, though. Should he go to the police? And then what? Hajime’s checked the closets – absolutely every single item he knows to be in Oikawa’s possession is still in place, including his wallet and his practice uniform. He has no reason to assume Oikawa’s been kidnapped (honestly, who’d be able to deal with him for longer than 24 hours anyway), and then there’s of course the matter of the plant.

 

When he returns to the apartment after afternoon practice, it is to find the plant within an inch of its life, leaves shriveled up and brown, sulking over the pot.

“Oh, come on!” Hajime sweeps up the pot from the table he left it on this morning, rushing to the kitchen to get it to water as soon as possible. He finds a cup, fills it and dumps the contents abruptly in the dry soil. He’d swear he’s given it water just before leaving, what the hell kind of thirsty plant is this?

The water doesn’t even seem to do the trick, as it gets absorbed quickly and the plant doesn’t respond in any way. Okay, granted, maybe plants just don’t drink that fast, Hajime wouldn’t know. This plant decidedly isn’t normal to begin with.

“Don’t you die on me, I swear,” he tells it in a stern voice, “You get water and sunlight, what else do you want? If you’re really…” No, he can’t say it to a plant, it’s still ridiculous. Gesturing to the pot and making Sugawara draw his conclusions from that is one thing, actually saying it out loud is another. “Ugh. Just. Don’t you dare die, asshole.”

And of course, the plant makes a miraculous recovery at that, leaves uncurling and rapidly regaining their color.

Absolutely ridiculous.

 

Maybe there’s merit in Sugawara’s advice after all, Hajime has to begrudgingly admit. He talks to the plant that evening. It’s nothing worthwhile, just about practice and class and stuff, but the plant seems to enjoy it, leans in to listen to Hajime and appears to be extra keen to know about practice. Okay, so maybe the latter is just a – Plantkawa thing.

Hajime decides to put the plant on Oikawa’s bedside table overnight, telling it to not die once again before he walks over to his own bed. Better safe than sorry.

 

In the morning, Hajime walks to the plant first thing to check on it. It’s asleep, apparently, because when he gently pats on the curled up leaves, they quiver a bit before finally uncurling.

“Huh.” Hajime blinks. There’s more leaves than last night, he’s reasonably sure. That’s a good thing, right? “Good morning, I guess. Wow, no-one hogging the bathroom for the upcoming hour, that’s a first.”

The plant angrily rustles in response, and Hajime laughs out loud. “I’ll get you water, no worries. And hey, no-one but me around here to judge your appearance, you should be glad.”

It’s almost too natural to talk to the plant like it’s actually Oikawa, but Hajime guesses it’s just because he’s used to filling the silence in the apartment like this. The only difference is of course, no-one talks back to him this time.

He misses it. For all the times he’s told Oikawa to get lost or shut up, Hajime misses him to the point of aching after barely two days.

Right. Bathroom.

 

Considering there’s no-one to judge him for taking a plant with him every step of the way, Hajime decides to just do that and puts the pot on the table as he has breakfast. It’s oddly comforting, though the silence is still the strangest part. He can actually read the newspaper in peace this morning, go figure.

“Right, I have class all day and then practice,” Hajime sternly tells the plant, “but I’m putting you in the sill where there’s sunlight and I just gave you water, so you have absolutely no reason to wither away on me, okay? I’ll be back in the evening.”

He half-considers leaving the tv on, but decides against it as Hajime will be gone all day and well, you never know. There’s not much a potted plant can do to stop a fire in case there’s a short circuit or something. Oikawa will just have to be bored all day. At least he can’t do much damage as a plant.

The plant ruffles somewhat sadly at Hajime’s departure, but he chalks it up to an overactive imagination this time.

 

It is with much frustration and very little surprise that Hajime has to admit he doesn’t feel like practice at all that afternoon, and it may or may not have a lot to do with the absence of a certain someone. He’s out of his usual rhythm, and quite possibly actively disrupts practice by fumbling far too many of his spikes. Damn it.

“I’m gonna head home early tonight,” he eventually announces, only to get a couple of hums in agreement and a ‘tell Oikawa to get well soon’ in return.

 

If anything, at least the plant has been doing well during the day. It’s still green, and it looks like it might even have sprouted a couple more leaves  at some point.

“Yo,” Hajime greets it, just to have something to say to an otherwise empty apartment.

The leaves immediately rustle and the plant actively leans forward, so much so that it’d be in danger of tipping over the entire pot if it were just a little heavier. Geesh. It’s getting kind of hard to pretend it’s just a normal plant at this rate, if the absurd growth and wilting and coming back to life weren’t already good hints there.

Hajime takes up the pot and looks at it. “Must be boring for you being stuck like this, huh. If it helps, practice kind of sucked today, so I guess that makes both our afternoons crap.” He sighs, silently questioning his sanity not for the first time since the whole plant ordeal had started, and eventually decides to just give in and take the plant with him to the couch again. 

“The team says hi and to get well soon,” Hajime tells it, “which I agree with, I guess. Now give me a sec, I’m gonna get something to eat.”

Of course he doesn’t get a response. There’s no-one to disturb him in the kitchen either, no sounds to distract him from the tedious task of cooking and no annoying roommates he has to chase out with a spoon if he wants any chance at finishing the dish without anything catching on fire at all. It’s not as satisfying as he’d hoped back when he was still doing the chasing.

The thing is – and Hajime hates to admit it – that he’s gotten so used to having Oikawa around, he doesn’t quite know how to handle a separation. He should, of course. They could have gone to different universities, in different parts of the country, and the distance would have been there right away. Instead, he got himself stuck with Oikawa as a team mate again, roommate even this time. It’s probably habit at this point, after being best friends for over a decade and counting. And he knows that sometimes people wonder why they’re even friends to begin with; heck, Hajime does too sometimes. In the end, though, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Okay, so maybe that’s not entirely true. There are some things he’d like to change, like Oikawa’s tendency to overwork himself, but he wouldn’t be Oikawa without that, for better or for worse.

Damn it, he just wants him back.

Hajime slams his bowl on the table and gives up for the evening.

 

Dinner is, predictably, a quiet affair. Quiet enough that Hajime finishes his meal as quickly as possible, cleans up a little and then crashes on the couch, settling the plant next to him in a pitiful attempt to feel less alone. He should probably get on with his homework, but the sad reality is that he’s caught up for now, what with all the uncalled for peace and quiet.

He finds the crappy movie Oikawa had circled in the newspaper last week and settles in.

 

It’s far past midnight by the time the movie is over. Hajime’s kind of cranky and his neck is hurting from leaning in a weird angle after he sort of nodded off halfway through. He really should go to bed and sleep, but…

“Ugh.” Hajime falls back into the couch, groaning and throwing a quick glance at the plant next to him. “It’s only been a couple of days, I can’t believe I’m about to say this. But damn it, Oikawa, I miss you. Just, if you have any say at all in the matter, just change back, okay? I can’t even deal with you being a plant, you’re so much work, geesh. How are you even more annoying as a plant than as a person?” He rubs his temples to try and battle the upcoming headache. “Great, now I’m yelling at a bunch of leaves. It’s probably all just my imagination anyway, but you’re _gone_ and I have nowhere else to look but at this – this plant, and I swear Oikawa, you better _be_ this darned plant, because if it turns out you just ran out or something, I’m gonna…”

He catches his own words before he can say anything else. Going to do what, exactly? It still unnerves him how ‘Oikawa changed into a plant’ is the _least_ concerning option, and thus the option he had been most likely to accept. Shit. “Just. Get back. I don’t care if you’re a plant or if you really ran away or whatever, just _get back_. I really miss you, you asshole.”

A last look at the plant tells Hajime it’s been oddly silent – not a twig has moved, which is probably normal for any plant, it’s just that this plant hasn’t been normal from the start.

Five minutes of temple rubbing later, Hajime is entirely sure this headache won’t budge any time soon. “Ugh. I’m off to bed.”

The plant stays behind, looking kind of lonely on the couch, but really, Hajime can’t deal with this anymore.

 

*

 

It’s very, very early in the morning when a sudden crash and bang startle Hajime wide awake in an instant. 

He’s out of bed in two seconds, stumbles into the living room in another five. It’s dark, but there’s something moving on the couch – someone, rather. Someone with long limbs splayed out all over the couch, wild flailing possibly having knocked over the mug that had still been on the table.

Hajime switches the light button and immediately wishes he hadn’t.

On one hand, Oikawa is back, which should be cause of some mild celebration at the very least, considering how much worrying his disappearance had caused. On the other hand…

Hajime is quick to cover his eyes in defeat.

Yep, Oikawa’s very definitely not wearing any clothes.

“Iwa-chan!” He sounds both confused and happy to see him, which is a really strange combination Hajime isn’t sure he’s heard from his best friend before. “What – wait, what time is it?”

“Five in the morning,” Hajime answers, very pointedly looking anywhere but directly at Oikawa. “Put on some clothes.”  
“I _was_ wearing clothes! How did it get five AM, anyway? Did I fall asleep on the couch?” Oikawa gasps in shock. “Iwa-chan, did _you_ take my clothes?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Oikawa’s pretty close to the truth, actually, but it’s not Hajime’s fault his clothes had been lying on the couch without their owner in them. 

Thankfully for all parties involved, Oikawa soon recovers enough to grab a blanket from the couch, though he still looks entirely confused. “Really, why am I on the couch? I’d swear I was on my way to…  Ehm.” He blinks a little owlishly twice, three times before looking up to face Hajime. “Isn’t it Sunday morning, anyway? Why are you up this early?”

“Because you knocked over the table and woke me up.” Hajime hesitates for a couple of seconds. “And it’s – Wednesday morning, actually. You don’t remember? Anything, at all?”

“Wednesday?!” Oikawa actually shrieks and jumps up from the couch. “You’re joking, right? Of course you are, and it’s not very funny, can you imagine if I missed out on three whole…” He wobbles on his feet then, too unstable after three days of not moving to support his own weight for very long and crashes back down on the couch. “Shit.”

“Told you.”

“No. _No_!”

“Please shut up, it’s too early for your dramatics. It’s happened, now get over it.” Hajime yanks the blanket tighter around Oikawa, since his jumping has removed it and Hajime figures he might get cold or something. This is annoying enough to deal with, never mind if Oikawa catches a flu on top of it.

“You’re awfully calm about it,” Oikawa mumbles, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket. “You’re not worried at all?”

“I try not to. It’s you, after all. I’m more used to worrying about you overworking yourself, this was the opposite.” It seems the easiest answer at five AM, at least easier than finding a way to explain to Oikawa that he’s technically had no reason to worry considering he’d changed into a plant, of all things, and hadn’t really been able to go anywhere at all.

Arguably also easier than admitting that he _had_ been worried all along.

Oikawa has gone remarkably silent in the mean while, fidgeting with his blanket. “What happened? Did I just – crash?” He sounds – concerned, genuinely worried even.

Maybe Oikawa has been at least trying to pay better attention to his own health lately than Hajime thought. “No. You were…” Nope, Hajime still can’t bring himself to say it. “Look, can we talk about this tomorrow? Or well, later today I guess. I promise you that you didn’t crash or fell sick or anything, you’re probably fine. You were right here all along, nothing bad happened to you. Will that do for now?”

He feels another head ache coming on, probably due to the lack of sleep and rough waking, and crashes on the couch next to Oikawa to prevent himself from falling over. He’s just so tired and annoyed and so very _relieved_ , though he only dares to admit that last one silently to himself. 

Of course Oikawa notices, perceptive bastard he is, and hesitantly pulls up another blanket to wrap it around the two of them. He doesn’t ask, doesn’t even say anything at all, just pulls Hajime a little bit closer until he’s leaning against Oikawa’s blanket-clad shoulder.

Hajime just closes his eyes and sighs. “Put on some clothes, Oikawa.”

“Hm-m,” is the only comment that earns him.

 

Despite the fact he didn’t exactly do any wild partying last night, Hajime feels so terrible the next morning he might as well have. His head ache hasn’t shifted in the slightest and if anything only gotten worse; plus he only has a vague recollection of moving to his bed eventually, but not after dozing off in some weird angle that causes his neck to hurt with every little motion.

Frustratingly so and exactly as he should have expected, Oikawa seems rather chipper in the morning, cheerfully greeting him with a ‘Good morning, Iwa-chan!’ and at least knowing better than to expect an answer before Hajime has had coffee. He actually hands him a cup.

Hajime just stares into it with suspicion, but his need for caffeine wins out over Oikawa’s questionable coffee-brewing skills. It doesn’t actually taste that bad, he has to admit. Or he might just be that desperate to wake up.

Oikawa’s already dressed, he now notices, though not for school.

Hajime narrows his eyes at him. “What are you planning for the morning.”

“Practice,” Oikawa cheerfully says, “I still don’t remember a thing, but my body sure remembers not having practice for a couple of days. I need to catch up.”

“Don’t overwork yourself, you idiot.”

Oikawa just gives him a sly grin. “Aw, Iwa-chan, so caring and yet he won’t tell me why I can’t remember the past couple of days.”

God, Hajime already can’t believe anymore he actually missed this guy. “Ugh. I will, but you won’t believe me anyway.”

“Try me.”

Hajime takes a deep breath. “You changed into a plant.”

At least that shuts him up. Oikawa simply stares at him for a long, long moment, enough for Hajime to finish his coffee.  He opens his mouth in three separate attempts to form words, but nothing comes out.

Hajime just shrugs. “Told you.”

“Iwa-chan.” Oikawa drawls the nickname. “That’s the worst joke you ever told. And your jokes are terrible.”

“Get your ass to practice so I can properly serve a volleyball in your face, you jerk.”

 

*

 

It is incredibly easy to fall right back into their usual rhythm, as if Oikawa hadn’t been missing for several days. Hajime mostly notices something’s changed because he can finally ignore the nagging thoughts of the plant in the back of his mind, and his attention is instead preoccupied by playing volleyball the way he’s far too used to by now. It feels good, and he allows himself to be distracted from the knowledge that Oikawa will without a doubt corner him at some point after practice.

Before that point however, he catches a moment alone outside the dressing room, which gives him time to check his phone.

_Any news?_

Sugawara’s text from earlier that day is simple and to the point, not a hint of teasing with the situation still being uncertain as far as he knows. He was after all the best person to go to with this particular problem, though Hajime suspects he hasn’t heard the last of it even as he types out his reply.

_Oikawa’s back. He doesn’t remember what happened to him, though._

The reply is almost instant, as if Sugawara has been waiting for the moment.

_Maybe this will help jog his memory! [image attached]_

Hajime squints at the screen, taps it to enlarge the image. Sugawara had managed at some point to snap a picture of Plantkawa, and the copy he’s sent Hajime now is decorated with stars and has a little crown perching on top of the plant.

Hajime snorts and saves the picture.

 

Oikawa joins him not long after, looking absolutely worn out but with a cheerful glint in his eyes Hajime hasn’t seen in a while even before the plant incident.

“I’m not carrying you home if you overworked yourself again.”

“I’m fine,” Oikawa sing-songs, “Just a little tired is all.”

Hajime simply glares at him. “You totally overworked yourself, didn’t you.”

“No, I just…” And of course, that’s the moment he manages to trip over his own two feet, Hajime barely catching him in time. “Not a word.”

“ _Oikawa_.”

“No! I’m out of practice, I still don’t know why, but I really have to…”

“You do know why, I told you.” Hajime grabs his phone and pulls up the photo Sugawara sent him earlier. “Here.”

Oikawa falls silent in the middle of what is no doubt a long-rambled protest, stares at the screen. “Iwa-chan.”

“What.”

“Stop hanging out with Suga-chan, he’s clearly a bad influence on you.”

“Oikawa, I swear…”

“I’ll go.” Oikawa scrambles back to his feet, hand still resting on Hajime’s arm after grabbing him there in order to stay upright. Something in his looks has softened, the determination to keep training gone. “Go home, I mean. And I should probably go to bed early tonight.”

Hajime blinks several times as he tries to process that. “Wait, was that an actually sensible suggestion? Coming from you?”

“You make me sound like I’m completely irresponsible!”

“Right. Couldn’t imagine why. It’s not like you have a track record or something.”

“Excuse me, I happen to be an adult who makes adult decisions.”

It is actually amazing Oikawa manages to say that with a completely serious expression. Hajime very much can’t respond the same way, choking back his laughter for as long as he can. He lasts all of three and a half seconds.

Oikawa’s face is doing something complicated, a mix between annoyance and amusement before he settles on a scowl. “What happened to your trust in me?”

“That’s on the court.”

“Right, how could I forget.” Oikawa flashes him an entirely fake smile. “See you at home, Iwa-chan.”

Ah, shit. “Hey, Oikawa.” Hajime seizes his arm before he can get out of reach. “You know that was just a joke, right? I do trust you, on and off the court.” Normally, he wouldn’t even think twice about having to clarify that, but something seems to have shifted ever so slightly between them since Oikawa has returned.

 “Right, right.” His tone is light, but Oikawa’s smile fades into something realer. “Let’s just go now.”

“Sure.”

 

*

 

Miraculously, Oikawa does actually retreat to bed early that night. Hajime less so, and when he does, it takes a long time before he’s tired enough to close his eyes and attempt to go to sleep.

Predictably, that’s around the exact same moment footsteps make their way across the carpet, followed by an unmistakable voice that sounds much, much too awake to Hajime’s liking.

“Iwa-chan!”                                                                                                                  

Hajime groans into his pillow and cracks open one eye enough to see the numbers on his alarm. “What the hell, Oikawa. It’s _three am._ ”

“But it’s important!”

“It’s three o’clock _in the morning_. Unless the place is on fire, I promise you it can wait.” He opens his other eye in a sudden horrifying realization. “You didn’t set the kitchen on fire again, did you.”

“So distrusting, a lesser person would be insulted. That was _once_ , and it was just smoke. Mostly.” Oikawa ignores any sense of personal space as always and practically bounces on the bed. At three in the bloody morning. “Just listen.”

“What’s so important that it can’t wait until an actual human hour?”

“Iwa-chan, I _remember_.”

Hajime turns around just enough to look at Oikawa properly, his eyes practically sparkling with – something. It’s probably important, but it takes a while for Hajime’s sleep-deprived brain to make the connection. “What… oh.” The whole plant fiasco. He’d almost managed to convince himself it was a dream after all. “Well, that’s good. I guess. Can I go back to sleep now.”

“No, no, you obviously don’t get it. I remember _everything_.”

Hajime is definitely missing something here, judging by Oikawa’s smirk and the way he’s obviously expecting him to reply. “O…kay?”

“It was mostly very boring,” Oikawa continues, flopping down on the bed, “I couldn’t really move a lot, no wonder my muscles were so sore after practice today. But I heard everything around me. I heard everything you said.”

 _Oh, no_. Hajime goes back to groaning into his pillow. “Good night, Oikawa.”

“You said…”

“I said _good night,_ Oikawa.”

“You said you _missed_ me,” Oikawa cheerfully finishes, “you said you _really missed_ me, Iwa-chan. What a truly touching display of true friendship.”

“I hate you.”  
“No you don’t, you _missed_ me.”

“I was clearly not in my right mind. Possibly caused by the fact my best friend had changed into a _damn plant._ And did you miss the part where I called you an asshole?”

“Twice,” Oikawa brightly says, as if it’s a compliment somehow. “You talked to me a lot. What a good caretaker you are, to talk to plants.”

“Yeah, how did you turn into a plant anyway?” Hajime asks, shifting a little so Oikawa can have his space on the bed. He’s given up on getting much sleep that night by now, anyway. “Do you remember that?”

“Not quite.” Oikawa ponders for a moment. “It just kinda – happened? I was just sitting there on the couch minding my own business, nostalgic for the good old days…”

“You’re not even twenty yet.”

“For the good old days,” Oikawa continues, pointedly ignoring Hajime’s interruption, “or, well, our last year at Seijou anyway, with the whole team together, and you by my side.” His voice goes oddly soft before he ends with a much more down-to-earth: “Next thing I know, I’m stuck in a pot.”

Hajime snorts at that, still a bit taken aback by Oikawa’s previous statement. He hadn’t expected that one.

And since it’s late at night, it takes a little while longer before the words finally click in Hajime’s head. “Aoba,” he then says, to which Oikawa just raises his eyebrow.

“Excuse me?”

“Aoba Jousai. Aoba.” _Fresh leaves._ Hajime snorts again, the only thing he can do to hold himself back from laughing out loud. “Get it yet?”

Oikawa doesn’t immediately, but Hajime knows his friend well enough to see the pieces fall into place little by little and Oikawa’s eyes go wide in realization. “You don’t… Iwa-chan, that’s preposterous! I will not stand for it! It’s Aoba _Jousai_ , Aoba _castle_! If that had anything to do with it I would have turned into something _dignified_ , like a war lord or…”

“You’ve seen the actual castle, Oikawa. It’s in ruins, you’re lucky you only turned into a plant. It might have actually been an improvement.”

With a very undignified huff, Oikawa lands face-forward into Hajime’s spare pillow. “You’re terrible, Iwa-chan. I can’t believe I missed you, I take it all back!”

“Don’t jinx it, if you’re turning back into a plant now I refuse to take care of you.” Hajime pokes him in the side. “Why’d you miss me, anyway? I was right here all along.”

“It’s not the same.” Oikawa’s actually pouting now. “You were saying all these sappy things about missing me, and I couldn’t even talk back.”

“I wasn’t the one being _sappy_ , Oikawa. I’m not the plant here.” The pun is out before he realizes it, but Hajime refuses to take it back.

Oikawa just looks positively aghast. “Oh my god, that was awful. Please stop hanging out with Suga-chan.”

Hajime simply smirks. “It was his suggestion I’d talk to you, you know.”

“Yes, and I can’t believe you actually told him,” Oikawa says, “seriously, of all the people – but, that’s not the point.”

 “Oh, you actually had a point?”

“I did, yes. Just because you don’t have a sense of dramatic timing…”

“I really feel like I can’t stress the fact enough that it is three in the morning. That’s dramatically timed enough for me.”

As he turns on his pillow, Hajime finds himself facing Oikawa, only inches removed from him. His bed really should feel too small to hold the both of them, forcing them to be this close. It doesn’t. “Get on with your point, Oikawa. We both need sleep.”

“Right, okay. My point. My point is… It is…” A few seconds of silence. “I don’t remember.”

Hajime closes his eyes in resignation. “I’m going to kill you.”

“You could have done that easily over the last couple of days, though. You didn’t. You,” and Oikawa gently prods him in the side for emphasis, “you went through all that effort to keep me alive even as a plant.”

“Don’t make me regret that.” Hajime sighs. “It’s really… I mean, what else was I supposed to do? I’m just relieved it _was_ you. Changing into a plant is just ridiculous, but any other alternative was – uhm. Kinda terrible.” Three in the morning really isn’t the best time to have this conversation. It’s a bother to find the right words with his brain all hazy and tired, and Hajime is probably going to say things he’s going to really regret later today. “What else was I supposed to think? You were missing without a trace, all your stuff was still here, you didn’t leave a note… There was just a plant sitting in the middle of your clothes and it seemed to respond to whatever I did, in the way you would. It was wishful thinking I guess, but if the only other alternatives were that you were out in a ditch somewhere, or…”

“Iwa-chan.” The raw emotion in Oikawa’s voice is what stops him in his rambling tracks. “You were really worried, weren’t you.”

Hajime sighs and closes his eyes, tired as he is. “Of course I was. How could I not be?”

“It could have been your chance to get rid of me.”

He kicks Oikawa lightly in the shins. “Idiot.”

“Hmm.” He doesn’t do an awful lot to deny it. “I won’t change into a plant again, though, so you missed that chance.”

That’s enough to make Hajime crack open one eye. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because.” Oikawa barely manages to suppress a yawn before he continues. “Things changed, but I didn’t lose anything after all.”

“… Huh?”

All he gets is another yawn as a reply. “’M sleepy now. G’night, Iwa-chan.”

“I… yeah, whatever, good night.”

Hajime forgets about kicking Oikawa out and chasing him back to his own bed. Instead, he pulls up the sheets, covering the both of them. It’s easy enough to fall asleep then, drifting off to the sound of Oikawa’s even breathing instead of the utter silence from earlier nights.

 

*

 

“Iwa-chan, I brought you something!”

Hajime sighs into his study book. “No. Take it back to the store, whatever it is.”

“So rude,” Oikawa cheerfully says, barging into the apartment with one hand behind his back. “What if I brought you a puppy?”

“Then we’d just get in trouble with the land lord, we’re not allowed any pets.”

“Then it’s a good thing I brought you this instead!” With all the grandeur as if he’s presenting Hajime with a national award, Oikawa reveals the small flower pot that’s precariously balancing on his hand. It holds a little cactus, and the pot is decorated with what seem to be hand-drawn volleyballs in silver lining.

Hajime slams his book on the table so hard he can hear its spine crack. “ _Oikawa_.”

“Just a little thank you for looking after me,” Oikawa chirps, placing the pot in front of Hajime on the table. “I figured that Iwa-chan is so good at taking care of plants, and…”

“Before you finish that sentence, please remember it’s my name on the lease.”

“ _And_ it looks just like you, don’t you think?” Oikawa jumps back immediately to get out of Hajime’s reach, obviously not expecting to get out of this unharmed.

Hajime mentally counts to ten. He gets to five before he thinks of a better idea.

As he fishes his phone from his pocket and unlocks it, Oikawa dares to take a couple of steps forward to check. “What are you doing?”

“Posting that picture Sugawara sent me to the old Seijou group chat.”

“Wh- no! Iwa-chan!”

“Too late.” Hajime hits ‘send’, and almost immediately hears a buzzing from Oikawa’s pocket. Oikawa’s mouth drops open.

“ _Traitor_ ,” he says, in what must be the most dramatic voice he can muster.

Hajime grins and rushes to the door before Oikawa can decide to try and tackle him to steal his phone. “See you at practice, Plantkawa.”

 

On the whole, Hajime isn’t particularly surprised when his phone starts buzzing not even a minute later. It’s not Matsukawa or Hanamaki this time, however.

 The picture with the caption ‘Plantkawa’ is now accompanied by a new photo shared by Oikawa, one of a familiar cactus with a frowny face crudely scribbled over it.

Hajime grins and makes a quick screencap of both plants together before he puts away his phone. It continues to buzz all the way to class.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Did Makki and Mattsun proceed to spam the rest of the chat with a million pictures of increasingly more ridiculously photoshopped plants? Did Suga also 'accidentally' send that photo to everyone in his old Karasuno team? _We might never know_. ~~By which I mean yes of course.~~  
> ... Okay, so I've got a Suga bias which is mostly why he's here, sue me. Sign me up for begrudging Oisuga friendship and Iwaizumi being happy there's someone else who can put up with Oikawa's antics. Plus Suga likes shitty puns according to the guide, so he gets to make the Plantkawa joke first. I hope he's happy.  
>   
> 
> 'But Miz how did Oikawa even change into a plant in the first place?'  
> -sweats nervously-


End file.
